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For the past few months, baby really tolerate my nasty "attitude". I just don't understand why I will behaviour in such manners. Seriously, I REALLY DON'T KNOW!!! But there's one thing for sure, baby gets hurt deeply in the heart.
Although I can't say much, guess the only thing that I can do is to change my "attitude". The fear of losing him is increasing... ... Scare that my nasty "attitude" will cause him away. Fear of losing someone you love is indeed very scary...!!!! Now, I'm experiencing it... Shit!!! Damn shit!!!! What am I suppose to do?
Really have to change my "attitude"!!!!!!!!
Initially, my "attitude" wasn't like that. It evolved over time... Is it a self-automatic defence system of my brain or body????But what am I defencing for??? I don't know. Why often I had to react in this way??? WHY??? WHY???? I hate myself!!!! Really hated myself so so much!!!!
It had affected us in one way... Definitely, I hope that it will not ruin the relationship. What I can say is that baby is always so forgiving, loving. At times, I did take him for granted, thinking that he's always there for me. Damn shit!!! I shouldn't have this kind of feelings right??? Argh..!!!!!
tracy blogged on 12:54 PM
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